A list of things I know/understand about fantasy basketball, which I signed up for on a lark this year:
1. I have Dirk Nowitzki, Vince Carter, Brandon Jennings (go Bucks), Brook Lopez and Carmelo Anthony on my team.
2. They are good (when healthy).
A list of things I do not know/understand about fantasy basketball.
1. Everything else.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
PWWWMTW - early edition
Boy, did I get killed via the Benson injury/MJD take-a-knee last weekend. Suck it, Trebek!
Anyway, since football starts tomorrow, here goes:
Players Who Will Wrong Me This Week:
Ricky Williams: Just because he's the only RB Miami has this week and theoretically, should dominate.
Anquan Boldin: 100 yds last week. I totally called that. And now he'll find some way to let me down, even against the woeful Rams.
Larry Johnson: Don't get me wrong, there's no way I'm even picking him up off waivers. But he'll still manage to affect my team in some unforeseen way.
The Daily Show: Because the only times I've started him this year, he's done nothing (all the other games, he's been solid-to-spectacular).
Steven Hauscka: Or however his name is spelled. I have to replace you on a couple teams, even though I just added you as a bye week fill-in last week. You can make field goals, you get cut in this league.
Flacco: I realize it's the Browns, but c'mon Joe, couldn't you throw it at least 20 times a game?
Matt Forte: I feel dirtier and dirtier about starting him every week. Am I the only one who thinks he "lucked" into 8 catches for 120 yds last week?
Steve Smith 2.0: Kind of a let down since the beginning of the season. And he's letting Version 1.0 of himself catch up stat-wise, despite a wet noodle at quarterback. I'm already bored with v2.0, and looking forward to the next upgrade: Steve Smith Cubed.
LeSean McCoy: I think he has about 20 touches, but only for 40 yds. Suck
Cutback Suarez: Last chance dude. And the winner of the Colt McCoy lottery is...(if you don't know, the Lions host the Cleveland Stains this weekend in the 2009 Futility Bowl. Go Loins!
Miles Austin: Two first names. Defenses know he can run really fast now. He's cooked and can't be trusted.
A.Bradshaw, Derrick Ward, Run-DMc: Whichever one I potentially have to sub in for Benson (should he not play) will undoubtedly suck, as they all pretty much suck all the time anyway.
Cutler: He throws for over 300 yds and gets 2 fantasy points? I had no idea he was such a turnover vulture. He's even stealing them from other teams!
That's it. Go football. and go Cedric Benson n Hedges
Anyway, since football starts tomorrow, here goes:
Players Who Will Wrong Me This Week:
Ricky Williams: Just because he's the only RB Miami has this week and theoretically, should dominate.
Anquan Boldin: 100 yds last week. I totally called that. And now he'll find some way to let me down, even against the woeful Rams.
Larry Johnson: Don't get me wrong, there's no way I'm even picking him up off waivers. But he'll still manage to affect my team in some unforeseen way.
The Daily Show: Because the only times I've started him this year, he's done nothing (all the other games, he's been solid-to-spectacular).
Steven Hauscka: Or however his name is spelled. I have to replace you on a couple teams, even though I just added you as a bye week fill-in last week. You can make field goals, you get cut in this league.
Flacco: I realize it's the Browns, but c'mon Joe, couldn't you throw it at least 20 times a game?
Matt Forte: I feel dirtier and dirtier about starting him every week. Am I the only one who thinks he "lucked" into 8 catches for 120 yds last week?
Steve Smith 2.0: Kind of a let down since the beginning of the season. And he's letting Version 1.0 of himself catch up stat-wise, despite a wet noodle at quarterback. I'm already bored with v2.0, and looking forward to the next upgrade: Steve Smith Cubed.
LeSean McCoy: I think he has about 20 touches, but only for 40 yds. Suck
Cutback Suarez: Last chance dude. And the winner of the Colt McCoy lottery is...(if you don't know, the Lions host the Cleveland Stains this weekend in the 2009 Futility Bowl. Go Loins!
Miles Austin: Two first names. Defenses know he can run really fast now. He's cooked and can't be trusted.
A.Bradshaw, Derrick Ward, Run-DMc: Whichever one I potentially have to sub in for Benson (should he not play) will undoubtedly suck, as they all pretty much suck all the time anyway.
Cutler: He throws for over 300 yds and gets 2 fantasy points? I had no idea he was such a turnover vulture. He's even stealing them from other teams!
That's it. Go football. and go Cedric Benson n Hedges
Thursday, November 12, 2009
PWWWMTW list - 11/12/09
List is early this week due to a Thurs night Bears/Niners game. So let's get on with it.
Megatron: You're on the list until you prove you deserve to be taken off.
Vernon Davis: I don't know why, but I feel like this is the week Vernon Davis does his best "Vernon Davis" impression, instead of the "Owen Daniels" impression he has been enacting the past few weeks.
Joe Flacco: Cleveland--especially Quinn--will be fired up to play on a Monday night, and Ray Rice will simply run the ball every single play.
Matt Forte: You, sir, are the new Star Wars movies of NFL running backs this year. Tons of promise. Proven goodness in the past. Total suckitude now.
Ahmad Bradshaw: Aha! Thought you were safe, didn't you? Just because you're on a bye, doesn't mean you can't still let me down somehow.
Jamaal "I'm not Larry Johnson" Charles: Two first names--can't trust him.
John Carney: I know, I know, he's a kicker. Who cares, right? Well, I will probably need a big game from the ageless Carney, and since he plays the St Louis Lambs, he'll have a mere 8 pts (all XPs, of course)
Broncos D/ST: Against all odds, this is the week Jason Campbell remembers he's an NFL quarterback and awakens his inner Sonny Jurgensen.
Neil Rackers: Just added you as a bye week fill-in. Now you will promptly miss 3 field goals.
Nate Burleson: I just don't like you.
Shonn Greene: Just because I'm starting you over Cutback Suarez. I don't expect a Chris Johnson, 220-something yd game, but 12 pts would be nice. Sadly, I think it's too much to ask.
Kevin "Cutback Suarez" Smith: Plays the Williams Wall and Jared "The Mad Lumberjack" Allen (good nickname, eh?)
And a new feature, some sleepers! Yeah!
Brent Celek: But just because I still can't figure out how to pronounce his name.
Sidney Rice, Visanthe Shiancoe: Both will get a bunch of yds and a TD. And I think one of those TDs will be on a pass FROM Adrian Peterson.
MJD, MSW: Hyphenated names are the rage right now.
Anquan Boldin: 120 yds and a TD. That's right, you heard me.
Zach Miller: Because he's the ONLY receiving "threat" on the Raiders (mostly because JaMarcus can't throw it farther than 5 yds with any sort of accuracy)
Later.
Megatron: You're on the list until you prove you deserve to be taken off.
Vernon Davis: I don't know why, but I feel like this is the week Vernon Davis does his best "Vernon Davis" impression, instead of the "Owen Daniels" impression he has been enacting the past few weeks.
Joe Flacco: Cleveland--especially Quinn--will be fired up to play on a Monday night, and Ray Rice will simply run the ball every single play.
Matt Forte: You, sir, are the new Star Wars movies of NFL running backs this year. Tons of promise. Proven goodness in the past. Total suckitude now.
Ahmad Bradshaw: Aha! Thought you were safe, didn't you? Just because you're on a bye, doesn't mean you can't still let me down somehow.
Jamaal "I'm not Larry Johnson" Charles: Two first names--can't trust him.
John Carney: I know, I know, he's a kicker. Who cares, right? Well, I will probably need a big game from the ageless Carney, and since he plays the St Louis Lambs, he'll have a mere 8 pts (all XPs, of course)
Broncos D/ST: Against all odds, this is the week Jason Campbell remembers he's an NFL quarterback and awakens his inner Sonny Jurgensen.
Neil Rackers: Just added you as a bye week fill-in. Now you will promptly miss 3 field goals.
Nate Burleson: I just don't like you.
Shonn Greene: Just because I'm starting you over Cutback Suarez. I don't expect a Chris Johnson, 220-something yd game, but 12 pts would be nice. Sadly, I think it's too much to ask.
Kevin "Cutback Suarez" Smith: Plays the Williams Wall and Jared "The Mad Lumberjack" Allen (good nickname, eh?)
And a new feature, some sleepers! Yeah!
Brent Celek: But just because I still can't figure out how to pronounce his name.
Sidney Rice, Visanthe Shiancoe: Both will get a bunch of yds and a TD. And I think one of those TDs will be on a pass FROM Adrian Peterson.
MJD, MSW: Hyphenated names are the rage right now.
Anquan Boldin: 120 yds and a TD. That's right, you heard me.
Zach Miller: Because he's the ONLY receiving "threat" on the Raiders (mostly because JaMarcus can't throw it farther than 5 yds with any sort of accuracy)
Later.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Band Names That Rule
A list of band names that are awesome, whose music is also actually good:
The Very Best
We Were Promised Jetpacks
Megafaun
Apples in Stereo
New Pornographers
Coconut Records (Jason Schwartzmann of Rushmore fame
Nerf Herder
Dynamite Hack
Flight of the Conchords
German Art Students
Hallelujah the Hills
Margot & the Nuclear So-and-Sos
Mel Gibson & the Pants
Neutral Milk Hotel
Scotland Yard Gospel Choir
Someone Still Love You Boris Yeltsin
Suburban Kids with Biblical Names
Thunderbirds are Now!
United State of Electronica (they have since shortened their "official" name to U.S.E)
and a couple that are awesome names whose music I have not actually heard yet. But based on band name alone, they rule:
Claymation Velociraptor
Uninhabitable Mansions
Casino Versus Japan
Hollerado
JEFF the Brotherhood
Turbo Fruits
Terror Pigeon Dance Revolt
Drink Up Buttercup
Vagina Panther
The Very Best
We Were Promised Jetpacks
Megafaun
Apples in Stereo
New Pornographers
Coconut Records (Jason Schwartzmann of Rushmore fame
Nerf Herder
Dynamite Hack
Flight of the Conchords
German Art Students
Hallelujah the Hills
Margot & the Nuclear So-and-Sos
Mel Gibson & the Pants
Neutral Milk Hotel
Scotland Yard Gospel Choir
Someone Still Love You Boris Yeltsin
Suburban Kids with Biblical Names
Thunderbirds are Now!
United State of Electronica (they have since shortened their "official" name to U.S.E)
and a couple that are awesome names whose music I have not actually heard yet. But based on band name alone, they rule:
Claymation Velociraptor
Uninhabitable Mansions
Casino Versus Japan
Hollerado
JEFF the Brotherhood
Turbo Fruits
Terror Pigeon Dance Revolt
Drink Up Buttercup
Vagina Panther
Friday, October 30, 2009
Halloweiners
In honor of the Great Pumpkin holiday, here's a list of all the costumes I've used over the years of my adult life:
1995 (freshman yr of college): none - didn't really understand that adults could dress up and have fun
1996: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - our first Halloween party in our apt. Awesome.
1997: '20s Gangster
1998: Ghostbusters - Built our costumes from scratch, for $11 bucks each, using backpacks and cardboard boxes for proton packs. Then some friends showed up to our party with custom-made, authentic-looking, Internet-purchased real-life damn Ghostbusters costumes and totally showed us up. That sucked. At least there was beer.
1999: none - was in Wyoming this weekend at the Jackson Hole job fair. Missed the Mystery Men (you know who you are) jumping on a burning car, and Nate throwing a fork through Rod's hand. Ahh...the memories
2000: can't remember - was in Eau Claire, I assume we went out
2001: trucker (?) - i think this was when i lived in Whitewater (or Eau Claire), and came up to Madison to meet friends and hit up State St
2002: morpheus - from The Matrix, obviously. The face paint and black bald cap were hilarious, and I learned how to walk around with my arms crossed behind my back.
2003: Beastie Boys from Sabotage video - this one was fun, as we met two other set of Sabotage B-Boys at the Plaza and partied with them all night. Hilarious
2004: Edward Scissorhands - man, what a chore to make scissorhands out of cardboard and duct tape. Costume was a hit though
2005: Richie "The Baumer" Tannenbaum - Karl and I attended a Magnet party at the Inn on the Park, and tried to remain incognito in our sunglasses as long as possible. It worked for well over an hour, which was pretty impressive. This was probably my favorite costume of all-time. Even got shout-outs from random people on porches as we were walking to the party like, "Hey, Baumer!" Awesome.
2006: The Baumer. Again. - yeah, I know, a repeat. Tough. It was a good costume and I was growing tired of coming up with something new.
2007: Price Is Right contestants - Angela and I got half-car shirts off the internet and made authentic name tags
2008: none - just kinda gave up
2009: none - going to the football game, I'm getting too old for costumes
and so it ends.
1995 (freshman yr of college): none - didn't really understand that adults could dress up and have fun
1996: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - our first Halloween party in our apt. Awesome.
1997: '20s Gangster
1998: Ghostbusters - Built our costumes from scratch, for $11 bucks each, using backpacks and cardboard boxes for proton packs. Then some friends showed up to our party with custom-made, authentic-looking, Internet-purchased real-life damn Ghostbusters costumes and totally showed us up. That sucked. At least there was beer.
1999: none - was in Wyoming this weekend at the Jackson Hole job fair. Missed the Mystery Men (you know who you are) jumping on a burning car, and Nate throwing a fork through Rod's hand. Ahh...the memories
2000: can't remember - was in Eau Claire, I assume we went out
2001: trucker (?) - i think this was when i lived in Whitewater (or Eau Claire), and came up to Madison to meet friends and hit up State St
2002: morpheus - from The Matrix, obviously. The face paint and black bald cap were hilarious, and I learned how to walk around with my arms crossed behind my back.
2003: Beastie Boys from Sabotage video - this one was fun, as we met two other set of Sabotage B-Boys at the Plaza and partied with them all night. Hilarious
2004: Edward Scissorhands - man, what a chore to make scissorhands out of cardboard and duct tape. Costume was a hit though
2005: Richie "The Baumer" Tannenbaum - Karl and I attended a Magnet party at the Inn on the Park, and tried to remain incognito in our sunglasses as long as possible. It worked for well over an hour, which was pretty impressive. This was probably my favorite costume of all-time. Even got shout-outs from random people on porches as we were walking to the party like, "Hey, Baumer!" Awesome.
2006: The Baumer. Again. - yeah, I know, a repeat. Tough. It was a good costume and I was growing tired of coming up with something new.
2007: Price Is Right contestants - Angela and I got half-car shirts off the internet and made authentic name tags
2008: none - just kinda gave up
2009: none - going to the football game, I'm getting too old for costumes
and so it ends.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
PWWWMTW list
That's right. It's back. The weekly Players Who Will Wrong Me This Weekend list. (If you don't already know, we're talking fantasy football here). And what I would say to them were they here.
to Calvin Johnson: C'mon, dude. You're Megatron. Suck it up and play already. I spent a 2nd round pick on you all over the place and so far you've only lived up to your reputation as a Lion. Be a man.
to Shonn Greene: So I assume since I've added you on a bunch of teams this week, you're going to be entirely mediocre the rest of the season, correct? You just wanted to tease me (and the rest of fantasyland) with your breakout performance against the lowly Black Holes.
to Jay Cutler: Jay, I have a nagging feeling you are going to lay a big, fat egg vs the Cleveland Stains this weekend. Why is that?
to Cedric Benson: How dare you take a week off.
to Matt Forte: Man, are you looking like the bust of the year. Now if you don't have a huge day against the Cleveland D that just made 2009 Ryan Grant look like
2007 Ryan Grant, I may be forced to drive to Chicago and smack you.
to Brandon Jacobs: Dude, you're huge. I don't have you on a single fantasy team, but could you do me the favor of getting hurt? You're overdue. Plus, then your backup, Ahmad (whom I DO have on several teams) will get the full load of carries he deserves.
to Andre Johnson: Not really much to say here. I guess it's perfectly understandable to not play because of a lung contusion. Wuss.
to Ricky Williams: A week after carrying me to an unlikely victory, I have a feeling you're going to have the following statline: 5 carries, 13 yards, 0 TDs, 1 big bowl of crow for me.
to Frank Gore: When Vernon "Stonehands" Davis steals your thunder, you've got a problem.
to Jonathan Stewart, Steve Smith 1.0: Eesh. Any chance you guys could do anything on offense? How bout this? Bench Delhomme, let DeAngelo take ALL the direct snaps, put the Daily Show in the backfield with him, and run the triple wing with Version 1.0. This is what those stats would look like:
Delhomme: 0 for 0, 0 yds, 0 TDs, and, most importantly, 0 turnovers
Williams: 2 for 2, 14 yds, 0 TDs; 22 carries, 109 yds, 2 TD
Stewart: 18 carries, 75 yds, 1 TD
Smith: 2 catches, 14 yds, 0 TD, 9 CARRIES, 204 YDS, 4 TD
That's right, I'm calling you out, Mr. Smith. Do it.
That's all I got right now.
to Calvin Johnson: C'mon, dude. You're Megatron. Suck it up and play already. I spent a 2nd round pick on you all over the place and so far you've only lived up to your reputation as a Lion. Be a man.
to Shonn Greene: So I assume since I've added you on a bunch of teams this week, you're going to be entirely mediocre the rest of the season, correct? You just wanted to tease me (and the rest of fantasyland) with your breakout performance against the lowly Black Holes.
to Jay Cutler: Jay, I have a nagging feeling you are going to lay a big, fat egg vs the Cleveland Stains this weekend. Why is that?
to Cedric Benson: How dare you take a week off.
to Matt Forte: Man, are you looking like the bust of the year. Now if you don't have a huge day against the Cleveland D that just made 2009 Ryan Grant look like
2007 Ryan Grant, I may be forced to drive to Chicago and smack you.
to Brandon Jacobs: Dude, you're huge. I don't have you on a single fantasy team, but could you do me the favor of getting hurt? You're overdue. Plus, then your backup, Ahmad (whom I DO have on several teams) will get the full load of carries he deserves.
to Andre Johnson: Not really much to say here. I guess it's perfectly understandable to not play because of a lung contusion. Wuss.
to Ricky Williams: A week after carrying me to an unlikely victory, I have a feeling you're going to have the following statline: 5 carries, 13 yards, 0 TDs, 1 big bowl of crow for me.
to Frank Gore: When Vernon "Stonehands" Davis steals your thunder, you've got a problem.
to Jonathan Stewart, Steve Smith 1.0: Eesh. Any chance you guys could do anything on offense? How bout this? Bench Delhomme, let DeAngelo take ALL the direct snaps, put the Daily Show in the backfield with him, and run the triple wing with Version 1.0. This is what those stats would look like:
Delhomme: 0 for 0, 0 yds, 0 TDs, and, most importantly, 0 turnovers
Williams: 2 for 2, 14 yds, 0 TDs; 22 carries, 109 yds, 2 TD
Stewart: 18 carries, 75 yds, 1 TD
Smith: 2 catches, 14 yds, 0 TD, 9 CARRIES, 204 YDS, 4 TD
That's right, I'm calling you out, Mr. Smith. Do it.
That's all I got right now.
Return at long last...
And I'm back. Just for you, Corey. Hoping for an end to the Great Ottoman Catastrophe of 2009 today. In the meantime, current listenings:
The Very Best "Warm Heart of Africa"
Joshua James "Build Me This"
Those Darlins "Those Darlins"
Monsters of Folk "Monsters of Folk"
Weezer "Live Bootleg from Philly 8/09"
Still Life Still "Girls Come Too"
Major Lazer "Guns Don't Kill People... Lazers Do"
and others...
Eagerly anticipating the arrival of Weezer's 'Raditude' next week, as well as Them Crooked Vultures on Nov 17th.
The Very Best "Warm Heart of Africa"
Joshua James "Build Me This"
Those Darlins "Those Darlins"
Monsters of Folk "Monsters of Folk"
Weezer "Live Bootleg from Philly 8/09"
Still Life Still "Girls Come Too"
Major Lazer "Guns Don't Kill People... Lazers Do"
and others...
Eagerly anticipating the arrival of Weezer's 'Raditude' next week, as well as Them Crooked Vultures on Nov 17th.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Spinning in the car CD player right now...
Gaelic Storm "What's the Rumpus?"
Tilly and the Wall "O"
Matt Pond PA "Several Arrows Later"
TV on the Radio "Dear Science"
Rosenbergs "Department Store Girl"
Harlem Shakes "Technicolor Health"
Elvis Perkins "In Dearland"
Only Son "Drop to the Top"
Animal Collective "Merriweather Post Pavilion"
Amadou & Mariam "Welcome to Mali"
Winter Gloves "About a Girl"
Tilly and the Wall "O"
Matt Pond PA "Several Arrows Later"
TV on the Radio "Dear Science"
Rosenbergs "Department Store Girl"
Harlem Shakes "Technicolor Health"
Elvis Perkins "In Dearland"
Only Son "Drop to the Top"
Animal Collective "Merriweather Post Pavilion"
Amadou & Mariam "Welcome to Mali"
Winter Gloves "About a Girl"
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Luck o' the day!
So I'm totally geeked out because a couple of my personal highly-anticipated albums for the whole year come out on Tuesday and I was able to get them yesterday (5 days early). And they rule. The NASA "Spirit of Apollo" is everything I hoped it would be (after a six year germination, no less). And the new Red Hot comp, "Dark was the Night," is even better than expected, from what I've listened to so far. If you are in any way a fan of music, get both these albums immediately.
Also, I got the new M. Ward album, but have not had the chance to listen through yet.
Also, I got the new M. Ward album, but have not had the chance to listen through yet.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Best Fauna Band Names
Wrens
Foals
Unicorns
Republic Tigers
Fleet Foxes
Frightened Rabbit
Space Monkeys
Arctic Monkeys
Elefant
Bloodhound Gang
Counting Crows
Dr. Dog
Guitar Wolf
Lovely Sparrows
Eels
Panda Bear
Mountain Goats
Pink Spiders
Noah & the Whale
Or, the Whale
Teddybears
Snoop Dogg
Nate Dogg
Toadies
Toad the Wet Sprocket
Wombats
of course, the Animals and the Byrds
and the all-encompassing Animal Collective.
did I miss any?
Foals
Unicorns
Republic Tigers
Fleet Foxes
Frightened Rabbit
Space Monkeys
Arctic Monkeys
Elefant
Bloodhound Gang
Counting Crows
Dr. Dog
Guitar Wolf
Lovely Sparrows
Eels
Panda Bear
Mountain Goats
Pink Spiders
Noah & the Whale
Or, the Whale
Teddybears
Snoop Dogg
Nate Dogg
Toadies
Toad the Wet Sprocket
Wombats
of course, the Animals and the Byrds
and the all-encompassing Animal Collective.
did I miss any?
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